Claire Williams: Winsome, posh-voiced dullard who gives a really convincing impression she only has a grasp of about 50% of what's going on at her team at any one time and who mysteriously became less available for media interviews as a result. Allegedly
A blinding white livery doing it's best to cover up the grubby financing necessary to keep the venerable team on the road. Despite clinging on to Martini cash - though not for much longer - the Grove team decided the best use of its resources in 2017 was to get somebody else to provide them in the shape of Lance Stroll's billionaire dad.Teenager Stroll himself wasn't as bad as all that but neither - despite an insanely lucky (solitary) podium - was he remotely good enough given the clean pair of heels recently revived Felipe Massa showed him for a swansong he knew this time was coming and for which he seemed barely interested.
Snaring Paddy Lowe in the sort of coup that now seems like an exercise in pinning the wrong tail on the donkey - or the right tail on the wrong donkey - Williams bafflingly (unless, presumably you looked at their accounts) decided to hire good money after bad by getting in Sergey Sirotkin: a man whose driving CV doesn't add up despite being written on banknotes.Expect not a lot to happen, quite near the back, quite slowly. And to think all the posters in your room used to be of drivers from this team.
White with evocative thin blue and red stripes signalling in the back of your brain that you've drunk absolutely everything else in your cabinet so it's now a toss up between the Martini Rosso and Benylin
1) Your F1 allegiances were forged in the 70's, 80's or 90's: drawn to the fiercely independent spirit and pugnacious driving of Jones, Mansell, Villeneuve et al who could fail to be seduced by this, the most British of British F1 teams? 2) Your first ever fags were Rothmans and the team are the only thing you have left to cling to beyond the thin strand of life still attached via your ventilator
Claire Williams' gymkhana ponies are called Floppsy, Moppsy, Ranstad, Rexona, Wihuri and Campari & Soda. She is flexible on the names of the first 2 if you have a big enough chequebook
Refusing to sell out to the German Schill when BMW offered several trunks full of Deutschmarks for the team, Williams proved it could remain proudly, pugnaciously, independently British in the most testing of economic circumstances. It did this by subsequently taking boatloads of Brazilian, Japanese, Venezuelan and now Canadian and Russian currency from its well-heeled driver employees which is a completely different thing, I'll have you know from under this Union Jack hat
Sir Frank, Sir Patrick and a mere few hundred carefully vetted companies registered in the Cayman Islands
Shirley Williams, Vaughan Williams, William of Orange, William H Macy, that team called Williams that used to win stuff