Toro Rosso STR14 F1 2019


Bahrain 2006

Grands Prix:


Constructor's Championships:


Driver's Championships:




Team Principal:

Franz Tost


Daniel Kvyat

Alexander Albon

Significant Others:

Helmut Marko: sour-faced former ski instructor now sour-faced driving instructor -if your driving instructor typically woke up in a coffin each morning and listed his main hobbies as hanging out with virgin girls and achieving immortality via a carefully controlled secret sauce liquid diet


Previously Minardi, now a one-way talent factory ramp featuring either a cliff edge or a lottery win at the end of it.

Their ruthless divestment of poor performing resources finally bit the team on the arse when it apparently had to re-hire the asset (Kvyat) being routinely humiliated backstage upon belatedly realising their talent cupboard was bare. So relentless was their browbeating of the Russian however, they belatedly realised Brendon Hartley could now do better, effectively admitting they had created the opposite of a talent academy wherein training methods could turn potential champions into gibbering wrecks.

Talent-spotting fails aside Toro Rosso now exist in a pointless midfield hinterland serving no conceivable purpose for no apparent reason other than to spend the other half of Dietrich Matterschitz's fortune.

Now gambling on Honda power only in the sense having its second string outfit obscured by a cloud of smoke every other weekend for a 10% chance they might come good matters not a jot to a billionaire business like Red Bull, expect Honda not to come good and for that not to matter much.

Distinguishing Markings:

Blue and red, now blue and silver - like Red Bull only not. Like Tesco Value isn't Tesco Finest, Sainsburys Basics isn't Sainsburys Taste the Difference and Asda...actually all Asda stuff is shit so that doesn't work

Reasons to support them, part 1:

Always one to buck the trends, go against the grain and not follow the norm: Toro Rosso once again offer you the opportunity to demonstrate to the world why your taste is so catastrophically wrong-headed

Fun Fact(s):

Toro Rosso is nearly an anagram of Francis Rossi who used to front up Status Quo until he didn't any longer because he was dead. Status Quo were also shit

Split personality?:

Previously Minardi - a low budget, passionate Italian racing team previously engaged in that taking-part-is-the-whole-point philosophy - now geared solely to do the opposite of that. As if the US Olympic team co-funded Puerto Rico solely to get them to trip up their opponents during the 400m relay

Owned by:

Red Bull: and what's wrong with Red Bull owning lots of sports teams? apart from every single country in which them doing this has created nothing but ill will, anger and consternation?

Not to be confused with:

Tori Amos, the Tory party, Tora! Tora! Tora!, Sincerity

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