Mercedes GP

Debut: Do you mean as Mercedes, Mercedes GP? Tyrrell? B.A.R? Flip a coin – or a cube

Grands Prix: See above

Constructor’s Championships: I refer the Right Honourable Gentleman to the fact we are absolutely clueless on this one

Driver’s Championships: See above

Wins: Between lots and lots more than that

Team Principal: Toto Wolff

Drivers:

Lewis Hamilton                                                                      Valtteri Bottas

Significant Others:

Niki Lauda: Gruff Walking Dead Extra who’s been there, done that; knew he was going to get there and do that before he did it and was bored about talking about doing or having done it before he did it. RIP.

History:  Proudly parading the 21st Century Mercedes banner with the aim of getting you – the heavily walleted car-buying audience – to tie it squarely to the long and distinguished history of the Stuttgart marque (so long as you don’t go all the way back to say, the 1930s).

After the early embarrassing comeback years, i.e. pre-turbo where the entire outfit looked like the silver cousin of Jaguar – more Marketers than mechanics – Mercedes subsequently came so good with the hybrid engine era, some people with short memories would have you believe their domination threatened the whole series.

Losing Nico Rosberg made no difference. Losing Paddy Lowe made no difference – unless you were Williams in which case you were *worse* off. They absolutely will not stop until you are *dead*! (Or sold enough cars not to have to bother with any of it any more: at this rate when you’re dead.)

Distinguishing Markings:  Silver and turquoise. And you thought those colours didn’t work together. Well they’ve got news for you – you were right.

Reasons to support them, part 1:  You are patriotically German; they make the safety car, without which Bernd Maylander would be out of a job; all that Nazi stuff was *ages* ago; they supply most of the bad guy transport in all those cool car chase films where they all crash and blow up.

Split Personality?  Tyrrell, B.A.R, Honda, Brawn – that lot

Owned By:  100% Teutonically German

Fun fact(s):  Janis Joplin’s 1970 recording, “Mercedes Benz” is actually a paean to the humble Datsun Sunny. The Queen of Rock and Roll famously had no interest in cars and mistook a flame red version of the Japanese hatchback for Stuttgart’s finest.

Admiring its turning circle and versatility she rushed to the studio to record her musical eulogy and sadly died 4 days later unaware of her case of automobile mistaken identity

Not to be confused with:  Mercedes Ruehl, M.E.R.C.S, BMW, Auto Union, The Nazis