Do you mean as Mercedes, Mercedes GP? Tyrrell? B.A.R? Flip a coin - or a cube

Grands Prix:

See above

Constructor's Championships:

I refer the Right Honourable Gentleman to the fact we are fucking clueless on this one

Driver's Championships:

See above


Between lots and lots more than that

Team Principal:

James Allison


Lewis Hamilton

Valtteri Bottas

Significant Others:

Toto Wolff: Raven haired Schwarzenegger-impressionist team manager expertly primed to appear near a TV monitor during race time to punch the air/the desk/Niki Lauda depending on how things are going.  Despite BBC and now C4 goading, appears unflustered by Ipsy, Dipsy and La-La constantly placing him alongside Suzi Wolff because they find it supernaturally funny he's puts his sausage inside her foo-foo.


Proudly parading the 21st Century Mercedes banner with the aim of getting you - the heavily walleted car-buying audience - to tie it squarely to the long and distinguished history of the Stuttgart marque (so long as you don't go all the way back to say, the 1930s).mercedes benz

After the early embarrassing comeback years, i.e. pre-turbo where the entire outfit looked like the silver cousin of Jaguar: more Marketers than mechanics Mercedes subsequently came so good with the hybrid engine era, some people with short memories would have you believe their domination threatened the whole series.

Despite losing Rosberg and Lowe at the same time (and replacing the former with Bottas), currently the pre-eminent team with no sign of any let-up. Just like the Germans at the World Cup however much you hate them and want them to lose they will almost certainly do neither whilst at the same time remaining annoyingly likeable and fair.

Distinguishing Markings:

Silver and turquoise. And you thought those colours didn't work together. Well they've got news for you - you were right.

Reasons to support them, part 1:

You are patriotically German; they make the safety car, without which Bernd Maylander would be out of a job; all that Nazi stuff was *ages* ago; they supply most of the bad guy transport in all those cool car chase films where they all crash and blow up.

Fun Fact(s):

Janis Joplin's 1970 recording, "Mercedes Benz" is actually a paean to the humble Datsun Sunny. The Queen of Rock and Roll famously had no interest in cars and mistook a flame red version of the Japanese hatchback for Stuttgart's finest.janis joplinAdmiring its turning circle and versatility she rushed to the studio to record her musical eulogy and sadly died 4 days later unaware of her case of automobile mistaken identity

Split personality?:

Tyrrell, B.A.R, Honda, Brawn - that lot

Owned by:

100% Teutonically German

Not to be confused with:

Mercedes Ruehl, M.E.R.C.S, BMW, Auto Union, The Nazis

Close Menu