Mclaren MCL34 F1 2019


1966, 15 Years BR (Before Ron)

Grands Prix:


Constructor's Championships:


Driver's Championships:




Team Principal:

Eric Boullier


Carlos Sainz

Lando Norris

Significant Others:

Ron Dennis: Ex-Chairman & CEO: came back to rescue the company after Martin Whitmarsh was blamed for setting fire to it only to dig a hole under the enterprise and send it plummeting towards the centre of the Earth instead. Subsequently sacked: with extreme prejudice


The Colossus of the 80's and much of the 90's now revealed as Ozymandias: a weather beaten old statue trying desperately to pop it's head above the shifting sands of F1 competition by banging on about its past.

Iconic liveries should not be commodified in a 21st Century sport that only cares if you're fast or if your car is blood red. To put it another way if you're given to painting your car orange to evoke a past most of the current audience weren't alive to see (and nobody connects with the fag ash tainted one they do know of) you're in big trouble. Like Liverpool re-hiring Kenny Dalglish or Eastenders bringing back Dirty Den, returning to Honda was always likely to end in trouble though actually ended up in Ron Dennis getting sacked and the team going from bad to really bad to worse in a puff of smoke: or several, if you had the time to count.

Now let go of its Honda contract, Mclaren shoehorns a French motor in the back, rejoicing from the rooftops in the sort of fashion that either suggests none of the flag wavers were around during the Peugeot debacle or really they've just gone up there to jump off.

Expect better things in 2018 but only in the sense they could hardly get any worse.  If you're not sure how bad they've got consider the acres of coverage sponsoring the Halo with a flip-flop company received to see how seriously everyone now takes them.

Distinguishing Markings:

Now bright orange, a livery more likely to jog the memories of anyone alive during the Tango Man ads than of the Kiwi founder hooning an M6 round Brands Hatch in a CanAm race in the 1960s. By Silverstone, expect Vandoorne to be running round the paddock awkwardly slapping people on the head dressed as a satsuma once the marketing people realise this is the only angle they have to work with.

Reasons to support them, part 1:

Sport is at its best when great once great icons absolutely tank right in front of you; you remember when they were good and for some reason can't shake it off: like Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease which is ironic as you got that from taking up smoking Marlboro cigarettes back in the 80s

Fun Fact(s):

Even Mclaren don't believe in the #BelieveinMclaren hashtag

Split personality?:

Independent in similarly defiant fashion to Williams, i.e. only Honda buying them out could have made the situation any worse.

Owned by:

50% Bahrain Royal family, 25% Mansour Ojeh and 25% Ron Dennis. The Venn Diagram dinner party from hell.

Not to be confused with:

Manufacturers of aircraft carrier sized toddler transport, that dead rugby commentator, HAIR ISLAND!!! impressario, Steve

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