Schumacher career emulation probably gone too far, admits Vettel
Sebastian Vettel has admitted his attempt to emulate former mentor and hero Michael Schumacher has overstepped the mark.
German sporting catastrophe synchronisation most efficient in world, exclaims nation
Sebastian Vettel has managed to successfully synchronise German sporting failure by perfectly aligning his own metaphorical and literal car crash with that of his nation’s colossally embarrassing football team. (more…)
Germans still bloody win at things go British GP fans
British Grand Prix fans were dismayed to learn that you can only laugh at the Germans for about 10 minutes before they piss all over you in humiliating fashion. (more…)
Vettel confirms 4th title turns you into dickhead
Sebastian Vettel has confirmed that winning a 4th F1 title is the tipping point towards full-on bellendery. (more…)
Vettel very sorry for making FIA look hypocritical
Sebastian Vettel has apologized for putting the FIA into the impossible position of having to choose between their own integrity or money. (more…)
F1 working group to make abuse mandatory
The F1 technical working group is considering introducing a mandatory driver swearing period for each race from 2017. (more…)
Whiting still thinking about fucking himself
Charlie Whiting is still thinking about whether he should go fuck himself. (more…)
Fuck off out of our seas then, seagulls tell Vettel
Seagulls have told Sebastian Vettel they won’t land on his poxy track so long as he keeps out of their fucking sea. (more…)
Just a metaphor to show why invading Germany bad idea, Kvyat explains
Daniil Kvyat took the opportunity to show Vladimir Putin in person why invading a Western European country just won’t work like it did in Ukraine and the Crimea. And Georgia. And Chechnya. And Syria. (more…)
Vettel-haters confused by Malaysia feelings
F1 fans brought up on a sequence of tedious Vettel triumphs have been confused by spontaneous feelings of apparent affection towards the German driver. (more…)
Vettel hands back 2012 title
After driving the 2012 F1 Ferrari, Sebastian Vettel has handed back his World Driver's title for that season. The apparently legitimate 4-time driver's champion made the donation after undergoing his…
Being beaten by Australian most humiliating thing imaginable, say scientists
Getting beaten by an Australian at anything at all is literally the worst thing that can happen to you. Scientists made the breakthrough when studying Sebastian Vettel's decision to throw…
Vettel titles downgraded to junk status
Credit rating agency Standard and Poor's have downgraded Sebastian Vettel's world titles to 'junk' status. The high finance twats announced the re-assessment following the German's latest, ongoing humbling at the…
Vettel dad to take on Alonso dad
Sebastian Vettel's dad is going to beat up Fernando Alonso's dad, it's been revealed. The quadruple champion announced the match up on Twitter after he'd just about had enough of…
Vettel finger caught moonlighting
Sebastian Vettel's finger has been doing odd jobs since being made redundant at the end of 2013. The 4-time world champion index finger was caught alongside the German's equally decorated…
Shaman demands Mark Webber refund refund
A Haitian shaman who sold Mark Webber a Vettel voodoo figurine is demanding his money back claiming promised bad luck was delayed by Black Magic forces beyond his control. The Antipodean…
Red Bull confirm Vettel technical fault
Webber shit
Mark Webber was shit all along, it's been revealed. In addition, Sebastian Vettel probably doesn't even deserve 1 world title, let alone 4 and Adrian Newey was grown from a…