Sebastian Vettel

German sporting catastrophe synchronisation most efficient in world, exclaims nation

Ed
October 20, 2018
Formula 1

Sebastian Vettel has managed to successfully synchronise German sporting failure by perfectly aligning his own metaphorical and literal car crash with that of his nation’s colossally embarrassing football team. (more…)

Germans still bloody win at things go British GP fans

Ed
July 10, 2018
Formula 1

British Grand Prix fans were dismayed to learn that you can only laugh at the Germans for about 10 minutes before they piss all over you in humiliating fashion. (more…)

Ed
March 11, 2018
Formula 1

Vettel confirms 4th title turns you into dickhead

Ed
November 2, 2017
Formula 1

Sebastian Vettel has confirmed that winning a 4th F1 title is the tipping point towards full-on bellendery. (more…)

Vettel very sorry for making FIA look hypocritical

Ed
June 28, 2017
Formula 1

Sebastian Vettel has apologized for putting the FIA into the impossible position of having to choose between their own integrity or money. (more…)

Ferrari team order conspiracy theory reaction

Ed
May 28, 2017
In Pictures

Hamilton Vettel bromance making everyone remember that time they ate at a Harvester

Ed
April 6, 2017
In Short

Hamilton Vettel bromance making everyone remember that time they ate at a Harvester

F1 working group to make abuse mandatory

Ed
November 13, 2016
Formula 1

The F1 technical working group is considering introducing a mandatory driver swearing period for each race from 2017. (more…)

Whiting still thinking about fucking himself

Ed
October 31, 2016
Formula 1

Charlie Whiting is still thinking about whether he should go fuck himself. (more…)

DVD rental store to file 2016 Vettel highlights under “comedy”

Ed
October 27, 2016
In Short

DVD rental store to file 2016 Vettel highlights under "comedy"

DVD rental store to file 2016 Vettel highlights under “comedy”

Ed
October 11, 2016
In Short

DVD rental store to file 2016 Vettel highlights under "comedy"

Fuck off out of our seas then, seagulls tell Vettel

Ed
June 13, 2016
Formula 1

Seagulls have told Sebastian Vettel they won’t land on his poxy track so long as he keeps out of their fucking sea. (more…)

Vettel toy-throwing curse finally enters Ricciardo

Ed
June 8, 2016
In Short

Vettel toy-throwing curse finally enters Ricciardo

Vettel to demand future overtaking attempts be submitted in writing, first

Ed
May 23, 2016
In Short

Vettel to demand future overtaking attempts be submitted in writing, first

Just a metaphor to show why invading Germany bad idea, Kvyat explains

Ed
May 3, 2016
Formula 1

Daniil Kvyat took the opportunity to show Vladimir Putin in person why invading a Western European country just won’t work like it did in Ukraine and the Crimea. And Georgia. And Chechnya. And Syria. (more…)

Vettel radio now available on blue button

Ed
May 1, 2016
In Short

Vettel radio now available on blue button

Panini team-mate crash sticker album now complete, beams Vettel

Ed
April 16, 2016
In Short

Panini team-mate crash sticker album now complete, beams Vettel

Vettel-haters confused by Malaysia feelings

Ed
April 3, 2015
Formula 1

F1 fans brought up on a sequence of tedious Vettel triumphs have been confused by spontaneous feelings of apparent affection towards the German driver. (more…)

Vettel given first stab at hiding “resigned disappointment” face

Ed
January 24, 2015
In Short

Vettel given first stab at hiding "resigned disappointment" face

Vettel hands back 2012 title

Ed
December 2, 2014
Formula 1

After driving the 2012 F1 Ferrari, Sebastian Vettel has handed back his World Driver's title for that season. The apparently legitimate 4-time driver's champion made the donation after undergoing his…