Hamilton still not opening Rosberg Christmas cards
Lewis Hamilton has confirmed that Nico Rosberg's 2019 Christmas card went the same way as the previous 3: straight into the #44 stencilled recycling bin.
Bottas not the type of competitor who won’t let me win, says Hamilton
is Hamilton has once again praised team-mate Valtteri Bottas for not being Nico Rosberg: the dastardly German who wouldn't let Lewis win all the time.
Hamilton confirms provisional superhero licence
Lewis Hamilton has confirmed he has the first part of his superhero licence now he can 'fly'.
Stevenage: improved a hell of a lot since about 2008, says provincial town
Stevenage claims it’s really not all that bad especially since Lewis Hamilton left. (more…)
Mercedes to double-down on conspiracy theory department
James Vowles apologizes for Sherzinger break up
Mercedes‘ tacticul guru, James Vowles has apologized to Lewis Hamilton for inadvertently causing his 6 year old break-up with glamorous yoghurt saleswoman, Nicole Scherzinger. (more…)
Vettel confirms 4th title turns you into dickhead
Sebastian Vettel has confirmed that winning a 4th F1 title is the tipping point towards full-on bellendery. (more…)
Mercedes to deploy Hamilton poetry at championship finale
Vettel very sorry for making FIA look hypocritical
Sebastian Vettel has apologized for putting the FIA into the impossible position of having to choose between their own integrity or money. (more…)
Hamilton presented with massive metaphor
Lewis Hamilton was presented with a replica – or “fake version” of one of Ayrton Senna’s helmets to remind the Englishman what the family thought of his “record-breaking” pole position at Montreal. (more…)
Bottas not figured out Hamilton’s a twat yet
Lewis Hamilton has not revealed his more twattish elements to new team-mate Valtteri Bottas yet and so the pair of them are getting along like a house on fire. (more…)
Hamilton 2016 unreliability championship loss narrative tour continues
Lewis Hamilton’s expedition to find the last group of people on Earth still unaware the Englishman lost the 2016 F1 drivers World Championship because of reliability issues is still ongoing. (more…)
“Whatever,” says Rosberg
Lewis Hamilton’s faint praise damnation of Nico Rosberg’s retirement announcement has been met with the universally acknowledged sign of total indifference. (more…)
Whatever happens, I will still be World Champion of bellends says Hamilton
Lewis Hamilton doesn’t care what happens in the climax of the drivers’ championship as he will still be F1’s undisputed number 1 cockwand come the end of it. (more…)
God sub-contracting Lewis mechanical failures
God has confirmed he’s delegated Lewis Hamilton’s breakdowns to a junior deity previously working in parks and recreation. (more…)