Alfa Romeo




1979 (39)


At least Val Kilmer's Iceman was only in Top Gun for about 7 minutes; Raikkonen's shitty half-arsed cameo has been going on for longer than Kilmer's entire movie career. Every season since his title a diminishing return. Like a sequence of increasingly worthless sequels to The Saint paid for by a lunatic self-indulgent billionaire. Trudging round the Grand Prix circuits of the world in the distant wake of his team mate, then pointlessly incognito in the media pen doing his disinterested schtick. Shrugging and pouting like a crap Godfather impersonator who's never actually seen the film; his persona confused for aloof, cannily contrived indifference by gullible fans who can't see it for what it is: indifference, period. The bored Dalek impression will inevitably get supplanted by his replacement's well-drilled sponsor friendly platitudes, but anyone who misses the former over the latter is the sort of person who surely welcomes a slipped disc as an exciting alternative to the boring certainties of an everyday painfree existence. Quick Kimi: there's a 2nd wife and child at home; go back to them before you forget you've got either.

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