Sebastian Vettel has managed to successfully synchronise German sporting failure by perfectly aligning his own metaphorical and literal car crash with that of his nation’s colossally embarrassing football team. (more…)
Williams aren’t asking George Russell for millions of pounds but do own his soul for perpetuity, the Grove team have confirmed. (more…)
UK F1 fans without a Sky subscription are thanking their lucky stars they get to see their favourite sport next year 4 hours after it happened for half the running time it actually took. (more…)
The form that would have helped Kimi Raikkonen to the 2008 World Title has finally turned up. (more…)
Stoffel Vandoorne has asked if that’s basically his motorsports career and what the fuck was the point of any of it? (more…)
Medical researchers have claimed that the Fernando Alonso virus has finally been defeated.
Indians were asking if they could have an alternative billionaire patriot to the Vijay Mallya one they’d been given as he’s basically gone and done the opposite of what one of those is supposed to do. (more…)
Kimi Raikkonen has discovered the vodka in his drinks bottle is actually water after his Ferrari team forgot to connect it at the Hungarian Grand Prix and the Finn felt exactly the same at the end as he normally does. (more…)
Valtteri Bottas‘ bad luck is to be synthesised into a toxic gas and deployed as part of NATO’s strategic first line of defence. (more…)
British Grand Prix fans were dismayed to learn that you can only laugh at the Germans for about 10 minutes before they piss all over you in humiliating fashion. (more…)
Mercedes‘ tacticul guru, James Vowles has apologized to Lewis Hamilton for inadvertently causing his 6 year old break-up with glamorous yoghurt saleswoman, Nicole Scherzinger. (more…)
Lewis Hamilton is increasingly concerned Max Verstappen is stealing his carefully cultivated fanbase into wilful bellendedness. (more…)
The Monaco Grand Prix circuit is protesting that it’s only supposed to supply glamour and pizazz to the F1 calendar and there’s nothing in it’s contract about ‘racing.’ (more…)
Monaco is bricking it as the Grand Prix venue anticipates the arrival of Max Verstappen at the currently pristine track. (more…)
The Spanish Grand Prix has confirmed it is a complete waste of space as far as excitement, tension or decent racing goes. (more…)
Leaders of all the world’s nations are to meet to discuss the threat Swedish F1 driver Marcus Ericsson poses to the world. (more…)
