Scientists still struggling with Haas driver selection
Experts are still scratching their heads over Haas' decision to retain both its drivers for 2019.
Stevenage: improved a hell of a lot since about 2008, says provincial town
Stevenage claims it’s really not all that bad especially since Lewis Hamilton left. (more…)
Raikkonen drunk performance ranked 3rd most enjoyable 2018 Grands Prix
Kimi Raikkonen’s drunken antics at the recent FIA prize-giving ceremony has been voted more entertaining than most of the 2018 Grand Prix he competed in. (more…)
You don’t get it: I’m just much better than this says Alonso
Fernando Alonso has told the F1 world not to be sad he’s gone because he’s definitely not going to miss them. (more…)
Ocon in FA Cup confusion
Esteban Ocon has mistakenly conflated his actions crashing into Max Verstappen with that of a lower league side knocking out a Premier League one in the FA Cup. (more…)
Jos Verstappen finally proud of Max
Jos Verstappen has grudgingly given in to the hype around his son but only now the 20 year old has physically confronted his fellow competitors. (more…)
German sporting catastrophe synchronisation most efficient in world, exclaims nation
Sebastian Vettel has managed to successfully synchronise German sporting failure by perfectly aligning his own metaphorical and literal car crash with that of his nation’s colossally embarrassing football team. (more…)
Yeah but we’ve got your soul, Williams tell Russell
Williams aren’t asking George Russell for millions of pounds but do own his soul for perpetuity, the Grove team have confirmed. (more…)
Woop-dee-fucking-do say British F1 TV audiences
UK F1 fans without a Sky subscription are thanking their lucky stars they get to see their favourite sport next year 4 hours after it happened for half the running time it actually took. (more…)
Raikkonen 2008 form finally turns up
The form that would have helped Kimi Raikkonen to the 2008 World Title has finally turned up. (more…)
That’s it then is it? asks Vandoorne
Stoffel Vandoorne has asked if that’s basically his motorsports career and what the fuck was the point of any of it? (more…)
Ricciardo wakes up from summer break trying to remember what the fuck he’s done
Daniel Ricciardo spent the summer break off his tits on so many different drugs he’s pretty certain he did something really stupid but can’t remember what exactly.
Alonso virus finally dead, proclaim researchers
Medical researchers have claimed that the Fernando Alonso virus has finally been defeated.
Could we have a different Indian patriot please? say Indians
Indians were asking if they could have an alternative billionaire patriot to the Vijay Mallya one they’d been given as he’s basically gone and done the opposite of what one of those is supposed to do. (more…)
Vodka flavoured water just water, discovers Raikkonen
Kimi Raikkonen has discovered the vodka in his drinks bottle is actually water after his Ferrari team forgot to connect it at the Hungarian Grand Prix and the Finn felt exactly the same at the end as he normally does. (more…)
Claire Williams unaware dad owns team
Bottas luck to be weaponised
Valtteri Bottas‘ bad luck is to be synthesised into a toxic gas and deployed as part of NATO’s strategic first line of defence. (more…)
Mercedes to double-down on conspiracy theory department
Germans still bloody win at things go British GP fans
British Grand Prix fans were dismayed to learn that you can only laugh at the Germans for about 10 minutes before they piss all over you in humiliating fashion. (more…)