The Supreme being in charge of doling out luck has admitted he has no idea why George Russell keeps getting the short straw but maybe it's his old fashioned name or something?
Mercedes' "magic" button is to be renamed Bottas from now on so absolutely nobody is left in any doubt as to the likely disaster should anybody be dumb enough to press the bastard.
Following the successful airbrushing of a previously bright pink Jordan-Midland-Spyker-Force India-Racing Point, former Aston-agnostics have gone apoplectic for the brand and are clamouring to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds they never knew they had on the famous marque.
Lewis Hamilton has just accidentally found the Guardian website or been given a subscription or something, people have concluded.
Satan has declared his bid to host a 2021 F1 race round the tortuous blood-soaked caverns of Hades to be on track following discussions with the sport's owners, Liberty Media.
Ferrari chief-for-now, Mattia Binotto has pointed out amidst their disintegrating season that Ferrari were world champions at cheating, barely 12 months ago.
Fernando Alonso, waking up with a screaming hangover and no memory of the previous evening is praying he hasn't done something really, really stupid.
The father of 2 young children who had promised to take his family to Silverstone this year, punched the air upon hearing there wouldn't be spectators at this year's event.
Max Verstappen's absence from the Grand Prix circuits has helped ward off mounting toilet paper panic, F1 chiefs have confirmed.
Nico Hulkenberg is terrified he has created the Coronavirus epidemic out of his own vengeful mind.
Lewis Hamilton has confirmed that Nico Rosberg's 2019 Christmas card went the same way as the previous 3: straight into the #44 stencilled recycling bin.
Charles Leclerc has apologised for turning off his targeting computer whilst defending the lead from Lewis Hamilton at Sunday's Italian Grand Prix.
Sebastian Vettel has admitted his attempt to emulate former mentor and hero Michael Schumacher has overstepped the mark.
Alex Albon has thanked Red Bull for being given the opportunity to have his F1 career condensed to that of a Mayfly.
Red Bull have sent the bloke from their first team back to the second team they hired it from, joining the other bloke they'd done the same thing to in…
as' 5 year F1 plan was to turn into the clusterfuck team everyone thought they would be when they first turned a wheel at Melbourne in 2016.
2 Grand Prix in a row featuring nail-biting excitement can't shift the reality F1 is less exciting than cricket, say experts.
F1 has now moved into the quantum realm, scientists have confirmed.
Ferrari have insisted booing the 2019 Canadian Grand Prix podium was perfectly acceptable unlike on previous occasions when it wasn't.
Ferrari have asked if everyone couldn't come down to their level of absolute omnishambles.