Hulkenberg terrified of Medusa Touch

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Nico Hulkenberg is terrified he has created the Coronavirus epidemic out of his own vengeful mind.

The 32 year old was effectively retired from Formula 1 once previous employer decision to replace him with Esteban Occon left nothing F1-shaped available for the Marvel-themed German.

The multiple-no-times podium finisher, livid his career had been brought to a premature close against a backdrop of drivers less talented remaining, hurled 1,000 curses on the sport declaring that if he wasn’t going to drive then *nobody* would drive.

Nico Hulkenberg - Renault - F1 - 2020
Stay away from me and my evil thought-channelling helmet

4 months later the German could only watch in horror as the terrible consequences of his hoodoo tantrum fulfilled his wish in ways nobody except a Tales of the Unexpected script writer could have imagined.

Locked down paddock hocus-pocus expert Ferdinand de Belgos commented, “Nico is terrified that his overwhelming sense of righteous injustice conjured an ancient Jiin spirit that infected the whole world bringing misery, death and e-Sports to billions of innocent people.”

“He just wishes he’d never said it or at least, formulated his wish in such a way that he still had a job at the end of it,” he speculated.

Hulkenberg is thought to be in lockdown somewhere in Germany skewering a series of Alain Prost dolls with knitting needles.