Haas 5-year plan to get worse

Haas‘ 5 year F1 plan was to turn into the clusterfuck team everyone thought they would be when they first turned a wheel at Melbourne in 2016.


The US pantomime outfit looked promising when it first entered the F1 firmament, then required improvement and is now officially and literally a car crash.


But apparently this was all part of the plan.

Romain Grosjean Haas Silverstone 2019
Tyres now increasingly embarrassed about remaining attached


Team Principal Gene Haas said, “each of our drivers smashing into the other’s completely different version of the same shitbox that nonetheless performs at exactly the same terrible level would be a fitting public nadir for any company striving for travesty.”


“Only we’re also backed by a corporation so laughable you couldn’t make it up: coincidentally just as we’re discovering it probably has been.”


“And have you seen our drivers?  I’d say we’re ahead of schedule,” he concluded.


6th on their debut, Haas were the fairy tale F1 story so long as you thought a fairy tale was a fat multi-millionaire ex-fraudster creating a satellite team for a profligate Italian outfit hell bent on shooting one foot off whilst aiming at the other.


“And have you seen our drivers?  I’d say we’re ahead of schedule,” he concluded.
6th on their debut, Haas were the fairy tale F1 story so long as you thought a fairy tale was a fat multi-millionaire ex-fraudster creating a satellite team for a profligate Italian outfit hell bent on shooting one foot off whilst aiming at the other.


“On the downside we’re rapidly becoming a running joke.  An embarrassment to its country of origin.  A laughing stock. A stooge.  A grade 1 lousy tip top Aunt Sally,” Has explained.


“But on the other it does allow us to say we’ve achieved our corporate goals.”


“So. Every cloud,” he continued.

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