Stunning the F1 establishment apart from the Scuderia technicians monitoring the exact same data they were seeing the year before, the American outfit were looking at easy top 6 finishes at the weekend’s Australian Grand Prix before pit stop woes halted both cars within a few laps of each other.
Team principal, Guenther Steiner admitted, “everyone thinks this is a Ferrari copy but that would imply somebody copied it whereas in reality Ferrari built the whole thing then handed it to us to paint in all different colours.”
A wheelnut, yesterday
“We’re not stupid though: we filed off the prancing horse insignias from everything except the wheelnuts as they were off a Tipo 1.6 Hatchback.”
Unlike clusterfuck April Fool’s entry USF1, Haas’ US Formula 1 attempt involved proper funding and a carefully laid out strategy in which the former was used to buy a car that already worked or – failing that – a Ferrari.
Which has caused outrage in the paddock from everyone who hadn’t thought of it first.
“We thought we could muddle through as it’s such a small thing,” Steiner continued.
“But apparently the F1 versions are bespoke titanium items engineered to withstand torque loadings of 3,000 lb a square inch.”
“Whereas the Tipo ones are designed to fall off after 5 years or however long it takes the car to rust into a pile of iron filings at the side of the road: whichever comes first.”