Ecclestone admits F1 excitement knob completely fucked

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Bernie Ecclestone has admitted constant fiddling with F1’s excitement amplification knob has left it jammed incorrectly at the maximum setting.

Entering a third consecutive season of potential Mercedes domination, F1 fans started moaning about how shit the season was before it even started.

But then the midget commercial rights holding demon leaned on the excitement knob rather too vigorously and now nobody knows where the fuck they are each week.

F1 excitement knob

I knew we shouldn’t have upped it from “3”

F1 excitement expert, Nick Jagger said, “from Hamilton Snafus to victors still in short trousers and Ferraris and Mercedes crashing into each other nobody knows what’s going to happen lap to lap, let alone race to race.”

“Unlike 2015 when you could submit your betting slip the previous year and know you’re guaranteed the sort of return off a £100 bet sufficient to buy a whole grab sized bag of Monster Munch.”

F1 fans could tell something mental was up the second Nico Rosberg actually won some races.

But everyone really started to lose their shit when Red Bull stopped breaking down, Raikkonen finished ahead of Vettel and the Spanish Grand Prix didn’t make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a fork from lap 2 on.

“I’d like to apologise for the fact you can’t now go and make a cup of tea for 20 minutes within half a lap of the start of a Grand Prix and know absolutely nothing will have changed by the time you come back,” Ecclestone explained.

“Though I use the phrase “I’d like” and “apologise” in entirely the opposite sense and obviously everyone can actually go and fuck themselves,” he clarified.