Will Stevens to return to Danny Dyer role

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Formula 1

Will Stevens is to return to his day job as that shit renta-cockney Eastenders actor.

Speaking after he was finally told to sling his hook by the fumbling, back-of-the-grid screen scrapers, the alleged 24 year old told reporters, “cor blimey guvnor! Up the apples and pears! You’re ‘avin’ a giraffe you nonce! Leave it out! Etc.”

The actual 38 year old star of that episode of Casualty where he was a paramedic, that episode of Soldier, Soldier where he was a soldier and something else where he squawked like a Canning Town fishwife for 90% of his onscreen time, first joined the F1 school of players in 2014 with a walk on part as a doomed Essex driver in the disappointing F1 drama, Caterham!

Will Stevens leaves Manor

Ice and a slice with that, Chrissie?

Despite losing the part when the production ran out of money, the erstwhile star of straight-to-DVD shitfest, City Rats, managed to get a regular run in an entire series of the F1 based soap opera, Manor Marussia!

Here, he reprised the role of a doomed British driver now too poor to shave after foolishly pissing all his money up the wall on driving a Formula 1 car with all the speed and romance of an Aviva 82 bus from Pontypool to Crosskeys.

“Cor, luv-a-duck! Oo you lookin’ at you slag?!? Shut it!!!!” British television’s most bafflingly employed actor, continued.

It’s believed he will now return to his thrice weekly role in the East London-based soap whilst fitting in several dozen parts in the worst films you’ll ever see until his next one comes out.