Stupid British F1 name pantheon welcomes Jolyon Palmer

  • Post author:
  • Post category:Formula 1

Jolyon Palmer can’t wait to enter his moniker into the pantheon of British dumbwit F1 driver names.

Featuring an apparent bastardization of the lame post-holiday co-worker giant Swiss triangular confectionery purchase, the Renault driver officially enters the roll-call of similarly batty British F1 monikers when the 2016 Grand Prix season kicks off in Melbourne on March the 20th.

Said the bloke who may have hosted Trigger Happy TV back in the 90s, “much as I’m proud of finally making it to the pinnacle of world motorsport, I’m even prouder to be entering it in the long tradition of those fellow British drivers whose parents were as pissed as mine were when they rocked up to the Christening.”

Jolyon Palmer

You should see what my middle name is

“To which I’m mainly looking at you, Jenson.”

Britain has produced a number of Formula 1 Champions featuring the relatively normal titles of such as James, Mike or John.

Meanwhile, another group of Brits set the Grand Prix tracks of the world alight adroitly distracting you from the fact they had been baptized Derek, Nigel or Martin.

But the rarefied world of UK racing driver parents dishing out names that wouldn’t feel out of place in Haynes manuals or Scottish piper bands is what Jolyon is undoubtedly now a part.

“I still don’t even really know how to pronounce it,” continued the Ipswich Town supporter.

“Do you put the stress on the first syllable or the second? And what do you do with the ‘y’? It’s just like a really annoying speed bump round a blind bend in the middle of an A road.”

“Then again, at least I wasn’t named after a shit car, continually harassed sidekick northern detective or a naive teenage halfwit girl’s periodical,” he concluded.