New US F1 team Haas can’t wait to get stuck into the 2016 season to find out exactly what for the life of them they can’t fathom about their new racing car.
Entering the sport for the first time, the rootin’-tootin’ US NASCAR outfit has a long history of successfully making 4 wheeled sedans go round and round in circles in the sort of places you wouldn’t want to find yourself if you were black but couldn’t tell the difference between the IRS and an ERS even if you paid them in a million chilli cheese burgers and the biggest Stetson in Texas.
Namesake founder and chief naiivist, Gene told us, “Yee-ha! Wotch y’all doin? Howdy-doody peepul! Hava nice day, y’hear: hruk!!!!”
What in the heck is this thing for?!?!?!
Receiving an enticing browshoor through the post in 2014, the 63 year old decided there and then, Form-oolur 1 was the kinda thing a man like him should definitely take a bite outta.
But not knowing the first thing about a-this-here singulseeta racin’, Gene – full name, Sweet Gene Vincent Haas – spoke to his uncle Amish in the Catskills down in Alabama, Alburqurque, New York, Texas who toll him this-a-here I-talyon car makur might juss no a thingortoo about it an the nexx thing you know, Gene ain’t juss gunnan got himsel a Goddam flight to Milan or summ Goddam plays an – hooda thunk it? – this-here Ferrari fella’s only gunnan fix himsel a team thass the bess Goddam team call Haas in the bess Goddam worl – Yee-Ha!!!
“This-a-here Goddam car is pretty freakin’ amazin,” Haas continued.
“An juss as soon as we can viggurowt howto Goddam star’it, ife viggur wheeze gunnabee cookin with moonshine!!”