Raikkonen, Bottas hope clashes deflect burgeoning homoerotic attraction

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Valtteri Bottas and Kimi Raikkonen‘s hostility is just a desperate front hiding the simmering sexual attraction they have for each other.

Crashing into each other for the second time in 3 races, the 2 countrymen locked wheels going into turn 5 leaving the older man parked at the side of the track smouldering from his piercing blue eyes at his broad shouldered, flaxen haired compatriot.

Body language expert Ian Lagertop told us, “it’s actually an incredibly common phenomena: 2 people apparently possessing an all-consuming enmity but really, secretly imagining what it’s like to lick honey off the other’s naked torso in a sauna.”

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“I mean: come on. A desperate unexpected lunge and a low-speed interlocking mechanical embrace when it would have been easier to avoid a collision – it’s a dead giveaway,” he explained.

Until the Russian Grand Prix when the 2007 World Champ thrust his bright red mount into his compatriot’s achingly vulnerable flank in a furious orgasm of shattered carbon fibre it was thought the Finns were merely implacable F1 rivals.

But 2 violent, unnecessary accidents later their true feelings for each other became as obvious as the Phantom chorus line at a Turkish hammam weekend break.

“You just wait,” Lagertop continued.

“The next time will totally redefine everyone’s notion of a coming together: and not in a good way.”

“Unless you’re into that sort of thing of course,” he added.