F1 is poised to ignore the recent fan survey results after they discovered everyone wanted F1 to be more like the 1975 film, Death Race 2000.
In the Roger Corman cult classic, against the backdrop of a dystopian future a cross country car race takes place where contestants run down pedestrians to gain points tallied against each kill’s brutality. All of which seems pretty cool to F1’s contemporary fan base.
Fan survey statistician, Derek Nunchuka commented, “the Formula 1 Fan Survey was conducted in good faith amongst its biggest enthusiasts with a view to understanding what the typical viewer really wants so that the show can be improved.”
“Couldn’t give a shit what you think, mate“
“Unfortunately what we discovered is that most people are craving mayhem and destruction.”
Launched on May 21st, the FIA sponsored poll asked a range of questions in an attempt to ascertain the sport’s viewers opinions on a whole range of topics.
From refuelling to engine size, tyre stops, qualifying formats and whether they couldn’t be doing something better with their time than watching this increasingly anaesthetised, moribund, corporate gangbang masquerading as a sport.
“I was looking forward to reading the nuance of feelings towards contemporary F1 and if anybody had any really original ideas to spruce up the sport,” continued Nunchuka.
“But it turns out that most of them just want louder engines, bigger wheels, crashes, explosions and rows and rows and rows of tits.”
“Apparently everyone thought Bernie Ecclestone was just a malevolent billionaire dwarf: but it turns out he’s been indoctrinating the entire audience for the last 20 years as well.”
“What a pisser.”