Button wants what Alonso’s having

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Jenson Button wants to try whatever is making Alonso forget the Mclaren they’ve both driven.

Despite being younger than the the Spanish double world champion, 34 year old Button has been impressed by his new team-mate’s apparent early-onset Alzheimers or failing that, is wondering if there’s something you can take that’s like: the opposite of Lithium.

Said the Head and Shoulders model, “Fernando had a big accident in Barcelona? Did he fuck.”

jenson button mclaren honda

If you’re wondering: I grew this to take my mind off everything

“I heard he didn’t even hit his head: he just drove into the wall when all the tears he’d been crying finally messed up his vision.”

“But whatever they gave him afterwards seems pretty amazing as he can’t recall ever having sat in it and for the sake of me ever getting another full night’s sleep ever again I’d like some. At double the dosage,” he added.

The new MP4-30 is the first Honda powered Mclaren in nearly a quarter of a century during which time the Woking-Tokyo alliance apparently hasn’t figured out a way of making it go any faster.

Or an actual distance.

“Hit me. No: shoot me. Shoot me now,” the fun-loving newlywed asked anybody who happened to be passing.

“Oh my God, I could have been earning a fortune in Sportscars doing fuck all. Oh my God, oh my God,” he added at Mclaren’s “Meet The Driver!” PR junket.