Hawking gets Lotus drive

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Stephen Hawking is the latest surprise development driver to be hired by the Lotus F1 team.

The 73 year old Director of Research at Cambridge University’s Centre for Theoretical Cosmology was selected despite having suffered the debilitating effects of Motor Neurone disease for 40 years; confining him to a wheelchair and forcing him to communicate via a computerised voice transponder.

Said Lotus’ head of bullshit, “Stephen will be a very welcome addition to our roster.”

lotus f1 2015

 Lotus recruitment policy now harder to understand than, “A Brief History of Time”

“I know people will be surprised at his selection but we think he’ll bring an excellent new perspective to the team which in no way reflects trying to attract subscribers to Cosmology Weekly and people who thought the Theory of Everything was good.”

“We just saw how he handled the chair round Trinity College and thought: there’s a fast, committed man who knows his own mind,” he added: the dribbly, lying, spineless fuck.

Hawking will join the team at selected races together with fellow new recruit, Carmen Jorda where they will provide valuable insights into high speed corner tyre degradation, engine mapping dynamics, wave theory and the optimum mirror angle for doing your hair and lipstick.