The 43 year old only had 7 months at the famous constructor which was barely enough time to order 1,000s of Euros of mis-spelt stationary, re-paint the factory blue and issue instructions that all the ancillaries of the 2015 car be constructed from wholewheat fusilli.
Said the Italian, “you can hardly do anything in 7 months – certainly not run a great team like Ferrari allegedly is into the ground.”
I need you to stay here and screw everything up: ok?
“It was all I could do to piss our one star asset off so much he left, indirectly get the company chairman fired and by implying Kimi’s farting about was acceptable: simultaneously making us a laughing stock and the whole workforce suicidally depressed.”
“Not bad but I reckon a couple more years would have seen us turn into the Italian Caterham: which was basically my brief.”
The Scuderia’s F14T challenger landed like a turd in everyone’s drink performing immediately like the back of a Peroni beer mat illustration it was and costing Mattiacci’s predecessor, Stefano Domenicali his job.
A pinnacle of clusterfuckheadedness the newest Audi employee proudly claimed his 5 year tenure was building up to.
“I’m not saying I could top that,” Mattiacci whined.
“But I made sure we kept the monosyllabic alcoholic bloke and hired someone else slower than a man with more teeth than a dentist’s graveyard.”
“Don’t I at least get a badge or something?”