Paid to be the baddie, Ecclestone defence trial told

Bernie Ecclestone has admitted he is employed to play Formula 1’s arch villain.

The apparent billionaire bad guy claimed his perpetual cuntedness was in fact, much like the pantomime antics of WWF, merely an act to increase ratings for the otherwise still popular premier petrol burning car race spectacle .

Trouser-dropping fetishist ex-lawyer mate, Max Mosley said, “I don’t know if you remember me but I used to hang around this sport.”

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“Anyway: I’m a good friend of Bernie’s – sorry; Mr Ecclestone’s – and there’s no way I’d knock about with such an apparently awful cunt-bubble if he was actually like that.”

“It’s all just an act: but a really, really, really convincing act which is why he’s paid such a stinkingly depressing fortune,” he added whilst being beaten on the arse with a table tennis bat by a woman wearing a Mussolini outfit with tit holes cut out of it.

Buzzing around the sport 24/7 as a hovering blood-sucking pipqueak dog shit making intermittent derogatory racist and sexist comments was hard work given his naturally warm-hearted, liberal-minded socialist tendencies, Ecclestone suggested.

“It’s difficult being this much of an arsehole all the time,” he said.

“So it’s only fair I should pay myself a shit load of money to myself and a complicated offshore financial structure to absolve myself of this abhorrent but entirely fictional moral stain,” he informed the judge.

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