Bernie Ecclestone has asked the Almighty if 2014 could be extended a few weeks.
The pipsqueak billionaire made the deity request upon realising there weren’t quite enough days in the year to fit all the races in he needed to keep his daughters in spray tan and diamond tiaras.
“Being the parent of not one but two heart-breakingly revolting human leeches is extremely costly,” Ecclestone admitted.
Paint a vulgar picture
“So costly that I need to run a dozen Grand Prix a year just to break even.”
“Bearing in mind my own predilection for platform shoes, watches and alimony I suddenly realised next year’s race calendar had more race weekends than we had weekends: that was when I reached for my filofax.”
“If anybody can persuade the Creator to alter the Gregorian calendar purely for commercial reasons, it’s Bernie,” F1 pundit, Esposito Breakdance said.
“In fact; I’m surprised it’s not God asking him!”
“Hee-hee-hee!” giggled Tamara and Petra splashing champagne around inside their gold plated Jacuzzis built by the wizened hands of 100 impoverished lepers whilst guzzling caviar from hollowed out swans.