Following his triumph on the parochial hatchback roundup TV show Top Gear, the Australian told an audience of easily pleased middle-aged obese men he could retire from motorsport’s premier category with his head held high.
“I may have had the best car for nearly 5 years and done fuck all with it but I’m still proud of what I’ve achieved,” he said to a bunch of people who think anoraks can be stylish as well as practical.
Fuck you, proper nouns!
“And if I can just maneuver Seb away from the Triple Word Score, I may even be able to quit before we get to Monza.”
The 37 year old Red Bull driver announced his retirement 2 months ago shortly after handing his young German team-mate his arse at Monopoly during a team-sponsored family downtime event.
Since then, a co-ordinated ambush with fellow online players during Call of Duty, besting level 50 on Kandy Krush and an inspired punt on Professor Plum during a team-building weekend in the Cotswolds reinvigorated the otherwise perpetually 2nd placed Aussie.
“Or is that on Grand Turismo?”