Not really your mate, Hamilton told

The doorman at Lewis Hamilton ‘s luxury apartment doesn’t really want to hang out with him at the weekend.

Now the Mercedes driver doesn’t have any reason to fuck off to Miami and tweet about the speed boat he’s on, hanging round his apartment complex listlessly like a lost sheep is starting to piss everyone off.

Maintenance Security Officer, Assam Trevor-Nelson said, “Lewis was bearable when he was with Nicole, mostly because he was hardly ever here.”

Not really your mate, Hamilton told

¬†10 more and she’ll *definitely* come back to me

“But now he spends all his free time doing trunk curls in the gym and trying to engage the rest of us in small talk it’s getting a bit embarrassing.”

In between sniffles and looking mournfully into the middle distance, the Englishman committed himself to working even harder over the summer break to thank his team for their efforts.

But the realisation 500 extra sit-ups just gives him back ache has exposed the 2008 World Champion to an intense, gnawing sense of loneliness especially now Kanye West isn’t returning his calls.

“I’m not saying I don’t like Lewis,” Trevor-Nelson continued.

“But I am saying I’d rather sweep for land mines on a Space Hopper than have to spend any more than about 30 seconds trying to pretend we have anything in common whatsoever.”

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