Mercedes GP are trying to find this old bloke in a brown dressing gown who sold them a duff course of hypnosis.
The German Formula 1 squad were under the impression they could just tell everyone its secret Pirelli tyre test was a figment of their imagination and carry on about their day.
But the plan backfired when instead people pointed out that it had happened and no amount of waving your hands about in front of their faces and saying the opposite was going to change anything.
And the bastard owes me a tenner, too
Said Team Principal-For-Now, Ross Brawn, “we’re very annoyed. This course was very expensive even without the fiery sword training which we said we didn’t need.”
“Although come to think of it, we ended up doing it any way and I can’t remember why?”
“Except I had a powerful urge to do whatever he said and thought it was cool how he could get fruit to go straight to his hand from the bowl without even getting up, though,” he added.
Mercedes spent much of the period between Spain and Monaco testing tyres with Pirelli but insist they didn’t gain an advantage, everyone was fine with it anyway and you are feeling very sleepy.
The alleged charlatan meanwhile, has apparently disappeared leaving only an M&S taupe dressing gown and a voice in Lewis Hamilton’s ears telling him not to trust any timing computers.
“This isn’t the controversy you’re looking for,” Brawn insisted whilst doing something incomprehensible with his hands.