Future Button, Perez fracas to be settled in beautifully engineered Mclaren car park

From now on, Jenson Button, Sergio Perez contretemps will be dealt with in a geometrically perfect car park at Mclaren’s Technology Centre.

‘Checo’ Perez’ wheel banging on team-mate Jenson Button at the Bahrain Grand Prix, triggered opprobrium Defcon 1 within the Woking squad when the Briton’s agitated radio messages went beyond the team’s own, Appropriate Emotional Response manual.

Grand Prix ding-dong expert, Tungsten Mild told us, “raised eyebrows at Mclaren are in itself a breach of contract on displays of public emotion.”

Future Button, Perez fracas to be settled in beautifully engineered Mclaren car park

Haymakers will be perfectly spherical

“So it makes sense to ensure future intra-team scuffles are dealt with out of the public eye.”

“And what better way than in a uniformly grey, powerfully illuminated rectangle of tarmac familiar to many an angry, inebriated man after chucking out time at pubs up and down the country?”

The new car park will not be seconded from existing parking arrangements but built to Mclaren’s own stringent guidelines of colour and geometric uniformity modified for its specific brouhaha purpose by being made of specially wipe-clean tarmac.

The ticket booth will double up as a St John’s Ambulance medical station and pay-and-display machines adjusted to issue fabric plasters.

Button said, “it’s good that my team-mate and I are allowed to fight each other but also that disagreements are dealt with in private.”

“I imagine I would earn a smaller Head and Shoulders stipend for example if they caught sight of the razor blades I’ve got hidden in my cuffs if the little Deigo twat tries any more of that sort of shit again,” he added.

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