Fernando Alonso is basically Obi Wan Kenobi out of Star Wars, everyone has agreed.
The 31 year old Spaniard has wowed the F1 world in 2012: winning impossible races, fighting tenaciously against vastly superior machinery whilst still finding time to blow up space stations operated by evil Galactic Empires during his time off.
No real friends F1 blogger, Grayson Shipshank said, “Fernando is a Jedi master amongst Padowans.”
Now *I* own the Massa
“He can not only win races in a car that shouldn’t but move Parmesan cheese around the Ferrari canteen using just his mind and choke journalists who’ve displeased him simply by wiggling his eyebrows,” he explained.
Recent fan convert, Lucy Piss-Wit added, “I used to think that he was no better than a highly strung Latin prima donna with a penchant for throwing his toys out of his pram simply because his team-mate had better allocated parking at Fiorano.”
“But thanks to everyone in the media saying so, my essentially credulous personality has caved in to his superhuman powers and now I just want to have his Jedi babies.”
“They will all grow up to be champion drivers as well and be full of mitoclorians which is good because heart disease runs in my family and I wouldn’t want to give birth to an invalid,” she added.
Meanwhile, a consensus has formed that even if Fernando is defeated on Sunday, he will simply grow more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
“Fare o non fare. Non c’è nessuna prova,” the Spaniard’s race engineer said, later.
