Felipe Massa’s brief spike in competitiveness during the summer was just an elaborate plot device.
The most recent development in the Brazilian’s crazy 12 year F1 career – a dramatic resurgence in form following an embarrassing run of performances – was not a precursor to a fully-fledged Rocky IV style comeback as many had predicted.
South American TV executive Felix Senna- Pele admitted: ”Felipe has entertained millions of viewers down the years but it’s time for a new face on Globo Globo TV Snatch Channel 37.”
It’s not worth it Felipe!
“This isn’t the end of him but I can promise avid viewers something suitably dramatic in 2013: possibly involving an oxygen tent or at the very least the trauma ward of a large hospital.”
The Brazilian entered F1 as a young, fast but un-polished, mistake-laden driver and leaves it a slow, un-polished, mistake-laden older driver with more money in the bank.
In between, his roller-coaster career was bankrolled and manipulated by Brazilian television stations lacking a big draw since the death of Ayrton Senna but unhappy with discount, anodyne wavy-Davy lookalike substitute, Rubens Barrichello.
“It’s true; the whole of Felipe’s racing career is basically nothing but a stupendously contrived plot for a popular daytime Brazilian soap opera,” paddock pundit, Gary Imlach commented.
“So we’ve had the tantrums and frustrations of youth ironed out and channelled into something powerful by a wiser, older counsel; the subsequent glory followed inevitably by despair. Basically it’s the Karate Kid films in Portugese minus the re-boot version.”
“Which is weird because when they were first casting, Ralph Macchio was this close to getting the part,” he added.