Fernando Alonso ’s performances have led Richard Dawkins to question whether there is in fact a God.
The famously prickly evolutionary biologist has long denied the existence of a supernatural omniscient being but the on-track miracles perpetrated by the Spanish Ferrari driver have sewn seeds of ecumenical doubt in the 71 year old’s mind.
“The concept of God is nothing but a load of superstitious mumbo-jumbo, relying on thousands of years of shared human mythology being falsely ascribed verisimilitude by self-interested charismatic charlatans preying on human beings’ ingrained sufferance of superstition,” the god botherer botherer barked into a newspaper column.
And moves in mysterious ways
“However, Mr Alonso’s dragging of that red shitbox into such a commanding lead of the Formula 1 World Championship has at times, been so sublime; this fundamental belief an ethereal realm is pure balderdash has, I confess, been severely tested.”
The University of Oxford’s Professor for Public Understanding of Science has long championed the gene-centred view of evolution and, as a consequence, decided religious types are a bunch of nutters.
But Alonso’s heroics have threatened the God Delusion writer’s stance with seemingly miraculous performances in extremis, in pater, et filio et in spiriti sancto.
“I am an atheist first and foremost. Well, actually, I’m an ethologist first and foremost but since nobody knows what that is, let’s stick to god being a load of nonsense for the time being,” the Professor added.
“I don’t know what the equivalent of turning a jacket potato into the feeding of the 5,000 with chips and mayonnaise is but on the lead up to Spa, I’m this close to putting a respectable bid for a dog collar in on Ebay,” he added, before scuttling away to inspect an Ammonite.