Martin Whitmarsh says you shouldn’t underestimate Mclaren’s superb staff benefits package.
Putting the finishing touches on his Powerpoint presentation: “Lewis: look at what you’d be missing!”, Mclaren’s CEO was keen to show there’s more to an F1 career than the things you’re hoping you’ll get out of the F1 career you’re having or that made you want to have it in the first place.
“In 5 years Lewis has won 17 races and a World Championship,” Whitmarsh eulogised.
And just look at the quality of twat you get to meet
“And to those who say there should have been more success I say that in the same period he can also thank his lucky stars BUPA were on hand when he suffered a nasty ankle strain playing squash and enjoyed some of the finest coffee our onsite Starbucks barista could pour whilst waiting for his physio.”
“Never mind our generous Aviva Life Assurance policy which means in the event of his death, Nicole would never have to work again. A positive benefit for absolutely everyone,” he added.
Hamilton, resplendent in Vodafone liveried overalls on billboards and TV commercials everywhere, is concerned his legacy as the first ever black World Formula 1 champion will instead be confused with that bloke who sold me this shit mobile contract in Carphone Warehouse.
Paddock pundit, Connor McKnacker said, “Lewis has to decide: do I want glory in perpetuity; World Championships and victory after victory or is Woking a more agreeable commute than Milton Keynes and Maranello?”
“And you have to admit, that is a very generous final salary pension scheme and the coffee served at the Technology Centre is delicious.”
“They even give away those really nice little amaretto biscuits wrapped in foil so; you know. It’s a tough decision,” he argued.