Spain’s evil money spirits have been thwarted thanks to Fernando Alonso, the country’s head wizard has announced.
The 31 year old’s stupendous drive at the European Grand Prix and subsequent prostration before the main stand, Spanish flag spreadeagled, absolved the country of its credit sins and set it on a new path to prosperity.
“Fernando’s performance was amazing: truly exceptional”, Iberia’s chief mage and part-time heating engineer explained.
Go back to your apartments and prepare to spend
“But it was his text book genuflection due East to the great God of Finance, Eurogedatrix that ensured all Spanish debts have been dissolved and our country now possesses a clean credit history,” Carlos the Magnificent, née Garcia explained.
Spain, a country better known for its beaches, primitive religious pandering and popular cow-torturing spectacles, nonetheless created a successful 21st Century economy before the mysterious, un-knowable Shiny Coin Gods became angered and took the money away making many Spanish and the odd fuckwit British property investor bankrupt.
Spanish pauper San Sebastian San Salvador said, “we did not understand why Eurogedatrix was so displeased.”
“We toiled hard: creating new infrastructure with many roads and buildings: especially exclusive penthouse apartments featuring fully fitted kitchens, barbecue areas, covered terraces and communal pools for very affordable prices in brand new developments a mere 50 miles from anywhere.”
“The ruin that happened afterwards is therefore cruel and incomprehensible to us. Sort of,” he added.
But Fernando’s assuaging of the capricious credit deities means all that has changed and Spain can look forward to a prosperous future full of fat tourists and fatter wallets.
“Everything is fine now and we can spend what we want,” Spain’s Finance Minister announced.
“Though if you don’t mind, please don’t tell Germany about it: we want it to be a nice, err: surprise,” he added.
