HRT’s failed crash test may just have been a cry for help, car-psychosis experts are speculating.
The Spanish tuggers’ latest back-of-the-grid mobile chicane was due to take part in the next scheduled Formula 1 test in Barcelona when the news was announced that the new chassis was, ‘feeling a bit poorly’ and wouldn’t be making an appearance until later in the month.
Speculation soon mounted however that the absence was actually the result of a pre-meditated accident in which the team’s new F112 drove itself to despair, then into an FIA-calibrated breeze block in an attempt to end its participation in the 2012 season and this tawdry, miserable, indifferent world.
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“I don’t think we should ignore the possibility that the new HRT would rather smash itself to bits than face another year of humiliation in front of a billion people,” automotive mentalist specialist, Warren Wogan explained.
“There’s only so much crushing embarrassment and degradation man – or, indeed metal – can take and HRT might just have found, financed, built and driven it flat out into a concrete wall.”
“Though on the face of it, even flat out wasn’t quite enough to put itself out of its misery,” he noted.
The car’s attempt to throw a seven came just over a week after the distressed chassis had to be talked down from the top of a multi-storey Madrid car park and follows last year’s incident where it’s predecessor was found inside a locked garage with its Cosworth engine running.
“It will need constant care and attention to get over this: a thorough valeting – inside and out – nothing but the finest octane petrol and a promise it won’t have to compete until it’s at least 2 seconds a lap faster.”
“Or they could just wait for the new Marussia. It’s probably the one thing slow enough to get its self esteem back,” he speculated.