Absolutely Caracas: Pastor Maldonado’s re-signing for Williams just goes to show how damn fine Venezuala’s economy is doing compared to your country’s unmitigated fuck-up, writes our defiant Latin American country correspondent, John-Pueblo Naranja.
The 2011 sometime Williams pilot and full-time Lewis Hamilton botherer’s re-signing by the hard-up Oxfordshire outfit is a sure sign that Maldonado’s backers, petroleum company PDVSA have got more money than they sensibly know what to do with.
And right now it suits them spending it broadcasting their logo into millions of Western Europeans’ homes whose robust capitalist economies their governments told them were definitely best, relentlessly tank in the face of billions of pounds of mis-spent Homebase and Amazon vouchers.
“Take that! Exploitative financial oligarchy!
“Pastor has shown himself to be a slightly more than not entirely embarrassing opponent of a man twice his age, half his motivation and ¾ of the talent originally thought,” analyst Dave Metasandwich told us.
“So the fact that a country with some of the worst social problems in Latin America feels perfectly fine about pissing 10s of millions of dollars up the wall just to wear the shagpile carpet out in the stewards’ office tells us just how far they’d like to ram their 2 fingers of righteous indignation up our collective decadent arseholes,” he added.
Maldonado meanwhile, was delighted at the news his gap year traveling the world explaining himself to low-level sports officials was to be extended.
“I would very much like to thank the Williams team for giving me the chance to demonstrate once again the inherent superiority of my wonderful country’s socialist revolution; matching and beating the obscene profligacy of the world’s richest sport by wasting its precious resources on a 2nd rate journeyman just because – contrary to what you might think – we can.”
Hugo Chavez was too busy constructing a Scalextric socialist teaching aid where the car representing Western Imperialist values crashes into a burning petrol station leaving the car representing collective social action to speed to victory, to talk to us.