Inside a volcano: A unique genetic experiment merging the DNA of football’s world governing body with the head of News International is finally reaping its reward.
Addressing the annual mad scientist convention at Eisteddfod Genedlaethol Cymru’s youth centre and snooker hall, Professor Higgs Bosun told delegates how a near century old scientific experiment had finally reached fruition in the form of F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone.
“80 years ago, people said my father was a deranged madman for his tinkering with the mysteries of human life and sports administration,” the 60 year old said.
“That and the fact he was kept straitjacketed in a mad house for marrying a bee whilst wearing my grandmother’s dress smeared in his own excrement.”
“But they’re not saying that now Bernie is the apogee of rapacious, cronyistic capitalism running an opaque organisation as his own personal fiefdom; unable to remember who or why he bunged 30 million quid at from one day to another,” he hectored the audience from behind a bunsen burner.
“Creating the ultimate commercial rights holder of a then non-existent sports body by merging the DNA of another non-existent sports body with that of the anticipated premier media mogul and left wing hate figure of the 21st Century seems on the one hand, utterly implausible,” media commentator Foxtrot Bosenquet commentated.
Later genetic experiments only succeeded in creating idiots
“But on the other hand, I can’t explain the existence of Tamara Ecclestone either so frankly, I’m perfectly prepared to believe Bernie is basically one part corrupt sports governing body and one part corrupt evil genius media mogul.”
“If you want to chuck in Rebekkah Brookes as the Antichrist and Jean Todt an escaped time traveling Napoleon Bonaparte as well, I’d probably go along with it. There’s probably a website detailing all this already, I expect,” she added.