Vettel 2.0 launch brought forward following Montreal malfunction

Westworld: German robot driver, Sebastian Vettel has had an important upgrade brought forward more than 2 weeks, following the device’s malfunction at the Canadian Grand Prix, writes our sports-humanoid correspondent, Brian Servo.

Leading the Montreal event coming into the final lap, the Vettel Auto-Pilot 1.4 looked to have his 6th victory of the year in the bag when an unexpected software glitch caused it to spin barely 2 miles from the flag, allowing a jubilant Jenson Button through for his 10th career victory.

“My circuits are extremely compromised”, the machine beeped at a throng of journalists after the race.

Sebastian Vettel

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“Algorithm Can-67,4A dash 6 was running exactly as scheduled when a feedback loop became corrupted.”

“This led to a half second steering delay command and resultant non-optimal trajectory failure,” the android analysed.

“If it weren’t for the impossibility of man-made objects emitting human emotion, I’d be absolutely gutted, Ted,” he concluded, with bitter but calculated logic.

Aside from an error attributed to its tyres at the Chinese Grand Prix, the Austrian-financed automaton has had a 100% success rate in 2011, building on considerable software improvements made at the end of the previous year.

“1.4 was a terrific improvement on 1.3”, the editor of technology journal Circuit-Bored, Crispin Sweetbreads told us.

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“Everyone felt following the poor QA on versions 1.1 and 1.2 with its repeated RAM outages and constant crashing, that this was the product that would finally deliver 100% success – but it wasn’t to be.”

“My guess is there was an overload in the scenario cache or maybe a non-specific bug hard-coded into the OS,” he speculated.

“Or failing that, some water got in the brain compartment and he short-circuited like R2-D2 in The Empire Strikes Back.”

As well as ensuring no further errors are possible during 1.5’s estimated 6 month operating life-cycle, the planned upgrade will also feature improved audio-visual sensors for faster lap-times together with memory slot expansion and tea and coffee making facilities.

“Maybe at least 2 frigging alternatives to pointing your finger in the air or repeating the same meaningless phrase over and over again when you win would make the experience for the rest of us slightly less nauseating too,” Crispin added.

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