Future Valencia GP bid to request no cars be involved

Teletext Holidays: Viewers of the European Grand Prix noticed there was a lovely beach running alongside the Valencia venue, spoilt only by a load of noisy cars rushing about, writes our regional tourism correspondent, Javier Viva-Espana.

Lured by the prospect of multinational-sponsored racing cars zipping in an unbroken line up and down the normally pristine marina area, onlookers to this year’s monoto-prix, were nonetheless clearly heard remarking after the azure seas and white sandy beach just behind turns 10 and 11, beckoning them on a future 2 week package holiday.

Valencia Grand Prix 2011

Inert, pulverized rock the most interesting thing in this picture

“Once again, the beautiful coastal town of Valencia – capital of the Costa del Azahar, population 800,000, Spanish league champions 2003-4 – has hosted a gloriously successful European Grand Prix,” town major Jose-Chorizo Ballesteros told reporters.

“From start to finish people have praised our fine wine and food; superb beaches, magnificent Romanesque architecture and its seamless integration with the marina and art museum’s post-modernist chic; not to mention the beautiful weather and even more beautiful people.”

“Which is why it’s such a shame all these cars have to spoil it,” he added.

Could this idyllic scene be improved by driving a racing car through the lot of them?

“Valencia’s problem is that it is a very attractive city in Spain,” Spanish expert Dave Dogtanion commented.

“Yet most holidaymakers to this part of the world just want to get as far away as possible from their oppressive, proto-Soviet concrete surroundings peopled by catatonically drunk, rutting, priapic missing links to somewhere largely similar, only warmer.“

“Unable to offer that, Valencia has instead tried to flog fine wines, baroque architecture and chic Mediterranean living by funneling a load of racing cars round their streets to the sound of deafening yawns.”

“A strategy not dissimilar to advertising a beautifully pristine nature reserve tourist attraction with 2-for-1 live bear-baiting and scrummy canapes,” he added.

“The whole event has been absolutely magnificent; really super,” Bernie Ecclestone later told reporters looking the other way an hour before the finish prior to fucking off in his helicopter to the nearest bank.

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