Ecclestone “livid” at self for ruining Turkish GP future

Face Off: Bernie Ecclestone is mad as a box of frogs at himself for jeopardising the future of the Turkish Grand Prix by making outrageous race fee demands, writes our split-personality correspondent, Curtis Stigers.

Speaking after the announcement he had doubled the required Turkish stipend from $13 to $26 million, Ecclestone railed against his grasping octogenarian bastard-self for putting the future of the event at risk.

“I’m absolutely livid with myself,” the 80 year old told reporters.

Bernie Ecclestone

“Please speak up when I’m not listening”

“I knew they were in financial trouble; actually I was going to reduce the fee,” the pipsqueak billionaire started.

“But the next thing I know, the words, “either pay me double or I’ll have your bollocks in this blender!” were coming out of my mouth. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I should sue Viagra?” he speculated.

But alter ego Bernie was unrepentant regarding the alleged Turkish shakedown.

Bernie negotiating technique has been criticised

“Hey man! Yookan’ pindashit on me, man! Day’s bin askin’ fur trubur effersins doze fugguss cuddun geddenny udder fugguss to tun up turdur mudder fuggin rays man! Day wont payin nuff to begin wid, man! Days asshoes!” he told reporters.

Stunned organisers have until the summer to respond to the proposed fee-hike, which analysts confirmed could only be achieved via a quadrupling of the existing spectator numbers or through a series of fund raising initiatives utilising techniques copied from Midnight Express.

“Day bettah pay,” Bernie responded. “Or day gonna be sorry. Day gonna be sorry widder capidull C ur mah hanmaid mudder fuggin concrete slippus day gonna be werring at the batom udder goddam mudder fuggin Bos-frush, yuh heeya?” he explained.

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