Early warning Mosley scandal system to remain paperboy based

WHSmith: Top sports admin sex pervert, Max Mosley will continue to find out everybody else knows what he’s been up to when the newspaper pops through his letterbox at the same time as everyone else, writes our Court of Human Rights Time Wasting correspondent, Trisha.

Mosley, 71 failed in his bid to force journalists into telling the one person they absolutely didn’t want to know what they’d spent the last 6 months surreptitiously finding out so that the people they did want to find out about it, couldn’t.

“This is about fundamental human rights,” the ex-head of the FIA told reporters when he launched the action.

Ryan Giggs

A picture of Ryan Giggs, for some reason

“The human right to keep my fundament out of the papers until I can at least figure out what the fuck I’m going to tell my wife this time,” he said, back in 2010.

But Mosley was thwarted in his attempt to criminalise everyone else’s wide-eyed schadenfreude fun when the Strasbourg court decided to rule against Britain’s most famous S&M fascist progeny enthusiast.

“Following much careful thought, due consideration of legal argument and several fantastic lunches, we have decided to rule against the plaintiff’s claim,” the Court’s 4 judges belched expensively.

“Whilst we acknowledge the aforementioned’s distress and concomitant lack of justifiable public interest demonstrated in his particular case, the Court considers denying everyone else the opportunity to read about what Mr Mosley has been up to in his free time as frankly too much of a sacrifice to be worth making illegal.”

Max Mosley sex dungeon

This isn’t what you think it is, either

Tabloid scumbag journalists outside the court were cock-a-hoop following the judgement.

“Newspapers like ours – and we use the term loosely – invest millions of pounds a year to scrutinise and pursue the rich and famous; to uncover corruption, foul play, the exploitation of the weak and who exactly’s putting their winky into someone else’s fou-fou.”

“To deny millions of our prurient, ghastly readership the right to feel slightly better about their own wretched, pointless lives is – we feel – a victory for common sense. Common sense and circulation. And our future employment.”

“Look: it’s either this or banking,” they added.

For his part, Mosley was thought to be locked in talks with his lawyers regarding a possible appeal following the judgement.

“And we’ll have those pictures for you on Sunday,” a spokesperson for the News of the World said.

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