Boo!-tle: Top telly paranormal botherer, Derek Acorah is to be hired by the FIA to interrogate the recent corpse of overtaking, writes our other-worldly correspondent, Luke Ness.
The failure of DRS, the FIA’s latest crackerjack, mad-as-a-box-of-frogs passing initiative prompted the principle’s very own demise at the end of the recent Melbourne race, keeling over at the touch of an expensively researched button straight through a gap in a fence to expire at the bottom of a carefully honed aerodynamic coffin.
“Introducing a rule that causes the rear wing to fall off at the touch of a button was always risky,” paddock pundit, Rinkydink Excelsior told us.
Can the Mersey mystic really offer FIA his pass-istance?
“Such an extreme solution means any failure would expose as a lie overtaking had merely to be awoken from a slumber. Instead, the whole world now knows that – in fact – overtaking is as dead as a USF1 career opportunity.”
“It is now down to other men – mentally ill men, admittedly – to commune with its dead spirit and try to unlock a secret the FIA threatened to bury with its million dollar Mousetrap-emulating wing-bother system.”
Acorah, presenter and lead mystic of shows like, “UK’s Most Haunted”, “Ghoul if you think it’s over”, “Afternoon Afterlife”, “Mystic Shiver” and “In-Spectre Bullshit”, is assumed to be that charlatan of choice; charged with unlocking the eternal, ephemeral enigma of one car being able to get ahead of a slightly slower one.
Yeah, but look how funny it was when passing was impossible
“If anyone can connect with the dead spirit of some tired old alleged panacea, interrogate its expressionless countenance and extract the means and methods for its resurrection from the folds of eternal sleep, it’s Derek,“ continued Excelsior.
“Or, failing that, turn the lights off, go into an unconvincing trance and have Yvette Fielding piss herself whilst he moans something about ground effect,” he added.
Acorah was unavailable for comment as he was busy convincing a penniless widow in Kirby her haunted drive required tarmac ghost insurance from his good mate Kenny.