Seven Seals: At least half the mounted harbingers of doom polled for a recent newspaper survey believe Bernie Ecclestone is making their positions redundant, writes our metaphor of evil correspondent, Rex Geddon.
Recent events in Bahrain and Japan where citizens were by turns murdered by their state and crushed, drowned or poisoned by a massive earthquake were met with mild annoyance by the head of F1’s commercial arm as the prospect of moving up the Sunday Times Rich List receded even faster than the Japanese Tsunami carried thousands of dead families back out to the Pacific.
But it was a hissy fit over cuts in engine decibel levels brought about by some reluctant, half-arsed regulation sops to the global warming apocalypse that finally led the equine-powered end-of-the-world talismen to publicly wonder what they’re bothering with all this death, destruction and misery for, anyway.
“One out: all out!!!”
“War, Famine, Pestilence and Death – it’s fair to say – have been round the block a few times,” Theologian expert, Titus Bramble told us.
“But even they, in their perpetual day-to-day tumult as harbingers of the Last Judgement, have been privately appalled at Bernie’s reluctance to take on board their fiery portents of ethereal Armageddon and its wider meaning for the lives of mortal men.”
“You must remember that as metaphorical agents of a theoretical omnipotent being, all 4 are subject to tremendous and unpredictable pressures surrounding the nature, scope and severity of divine judgement the Creator chooses to wield at any moment.”
“And my landmine shares have gone up? Super!”
“Given the Eschatological nature of their job and its intended consequences upon mankind, those who choose to thumb their noses so publicly at the intended lessons can make the progenitors of these educational catastrophes feel tremendously demotivated, therefore,” he added.
“I really don’t know what the fuss is about,” Ecclestone reported from Said Gadaffi’s yacht, discussing plans for a new race around the temporarily densely populated Benghazi area.