Lotus dispute to be settled long after you’ve stopped giving a shit

Shyster, Flywheel and Shyster: The long running Lotus branding dispute is sure to be settled long after you’d stopped caring either way, reveals our legal settlement expert, Shola Ameobi.

Confirmation of the naming dust-up extension left you with a vaguely distracted feeling of nonchalant indifference bordering on utter disinterest when the announcement was made that the legal shenanigans cannot be concluded until at least the middle of March.

“This whole legal thing with who owns what and who said what to whom is flipping complicated”, Judge Rheinhold commented on proceedings from the Old Bailey last Tuesday.

Lotus dispute boredom

Even the slightest Lotus reporting can prove tedious, doctors warn

“So I am going to adjourn this hearing until Easter in order that I can have a ruddy good think about how to get to the bottom of it”, he concluded, banging his gavel dramatically on the counter as he did so.

The m’Lud’s adjudication brought Lotus and Lotus intense frustration their legal tussle was left unresolved for another 2 months whilst the rest of us were busy looking at an amusing YouTube clip of a yodeling cockatoo.

“I’m not sure I’m all that interested to be honest”, you said in response to the dispute hiatus.

“I think I may have been to begin with – you know, as a novelty story – but now I just think it’s an unpleasant, turgid, depressing, morally queasy, grubby, unnerving, ghastly, dispiriting state of affairs which – if there were a God – surely wouldn’t have been allowed to come into existence let alone drone on out of control for months on end.”

Lotus distraction

Not interested either

“I think that’s a bit harsh”, God or a deity answering to his description later told reporters.

“Hasn’t anyone heard of free will? Anyway, I’ve got hundreds of more important frigging things to do each day than worry about these 2 dead-eyed corporate cess pools moaning at each other.”

“Just because I’m omniscient doesn’t mean I actually have to give a fuck about everything as well you know”, he argued in a puff of supreme being logic.

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