BBC audience irritation experiment ends

Job Centre: The BBC look to have finally ended their experiment of deliberately testing the patience of viewers of their F1 coverage by sacking chief agitator Jonathan Legard, writes our verbal diarrhoea expert, Nikolai Hodgepodge.

Following 2 years of mis-directed melodrama, inappropriate inflexion, grimaced surprise, bleeding obvious exposition, mistaken identity, low-rent analysis, mis-timed overblown screeching, barrel-scraping banality and bullshit the BBC have finally caved in to the piercing screams of much of its audience by booting the 50 year old shouting grey matchstick out of the corporation.

“It was a brave experiment by the BBC”, media expert Stacey Windchuff commented.

jonathan legard

Many migraines begin with similar visions

“But its aims of building greater audience share inevitably clashed with the policy of driving those same viewers to saw their own heads off rather than listen to a single extra droning syllable of his nonsensical shite.”

Legard’s career began by irritating the fuck out of people on local radio and 4 years later was riling audiences on a national scale thanks to tin-eared bosses at Radio 5 Live.

It was only in 2009 when the BBC won back F1 coverage from ITV however, that the Welshman was able to grab his opportunity to annoy the shit out of millions of unsuspecting people when he was incomprehensibly awarded the Corporation’s job of chief F1 commentator.

2 years of nervous breakdowns, irritable bowel syndrome, Prozac prescriptions, toothache, rosacea, migraines, hives and slashed wrists however, reluctantly nudged the broadcasting corporation to terminate Legard’s contract when it became clear the catalogue of stress-related illnesses he induced in the general public was unsustainable.

Legard reaction

Audiences settle in for another Legard commentary session

“This will be a great shame for Jonathan both personally and professionally”, Windchuff noted.

“He was massively looking forward to the 2011 season.”

“In particular, he really wanted to hammer the last nail into the coffin of any lingering enjoyment the viewers were still desperately clinging to and this missed opportunity will upset him a great deal”, she concluded.

Eddie Jordan, who otherwise is of no discernible use to mankind whatsoever, is understood to be safe from the BBC’s chopping block thanks to a large collection of deeply compromising, pornographic images of senior BBC personnel.

At least, that’s the only plausible conclusion anyone has yet arrived at.

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