Grasping, litigious Piquets glad “liar” slur finally put to bed

Nelson Piquet and his son, Nelson last night claimed vindication in their battle to clear themselves of accusations of lying when the Crashgate litigation trial settled in favour of them at least being innocent of that bit, writes our metaphorical wooden puppet correspondent, Gepetto Pitstop.

Nearly 2 years after the infamous events of Singapore laid to rest forever the suggestion holding a race in the dark automatically makes it interesting, the Piquet legal trial is the final act of those dark events in 2008, when it was dark.

And in finally successfully suing his former employers Renault for their refutation of race-fixing accusations – implying they could prove Piquet was a cheating scumbag – the verdict earns the pair a significant sum in damages and an insignificant moral weight to be lifted from their shoulders.

Nelson Piquet Jr Singapore 2008

“I wonder if – ultimately – I may end up regretting this?”

“I’m sure victory in this trial will seem like a massive relief for the Piquets ”, professional Piquet pundit, Stencil Basketcase told us.

“They would have felt that the stain on their reputation could only have been lifted by taking legal action and the court finding in their favour will have made them feel justified in doing so”.

“Unfortunately, what they’ve failed to realize is that this verdict cannot possibly reverse the overwhelming feeling the rest of the world has had since about 2005 that they’re a pair of narcissistic, avaricious, immature, whining tosspieces ”.

“Frankly, if the pair of them found a cure for Aids, cancer and the global economic crisis on the same day most of the people I know still wouldn’t have pissed on them if they’d been covered in glue, rolled in 50 pound notes and set on fire”, he added.

Nelson Piquet Jr 2008

Drivers have to train hard for the rigours of truck racing, it says here

Oblivious to their own ridiculous awfulness, it’s thought that the Piquets will now smugly disappear to whatever country hasn’t yet figured out what a pair of unbelievable shitholes they are to continue Jr’s increasingly worthless career of driving round in circles.

“It won’t be easy,” Stencil continued.

“They need both a country and a [racing] series so isolated, backward and myopic, the most famous sports gerrymandering event in history has completely passed them by.”

“So truck racing in America it is then”, he concluded.

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