Strewth, mate: The possibility that Mark Webber is actually just a miserable bastard is gradually dawning on previously devoted fans, writes our disillusioned devotee correspondent, Shaven Asian Bajan Haven.
After a disappointing final race where the Queanbeyan-born driver trundled home an uneventful 8th, much of the early season goodwill for the Red Bull pilot had sadly evaporated on a run of mediocrity, moaning and misjudged mind games.
“I will always love Mark – for ever and ever”, 1 fan struggling with their minder, told us.
Webbo charms the press again
“But not any more: we thought we could rely on Mark’s never-say-die attitude to pull him through these last few races but instead he became like an embarrassing uncle we no longer looked forward to seeing at Christmas with his clowning, funny voices and special games we’re not allowed to tell our mummy and daddy”, she added damningly.
Webber had begun the 2010 season a 20-1 outsider based on a series of painstaking calculations carried out on the basis of results the previous year that concluded the Buckinghamshire resident was a piss-poor crashing choker who couldn’t so much as shit a championship.
But following a string of performances in which the Australian just managed to keep his car on track long enough to exploit its massive superiority, the perma-stubbled 34 year old suddenly found himself at the head of the queue when it came to dishing out the 2010 World Drivers’ Championship medals before-the-2010-World-Drivers’-Championship-had-actually-finished.
And it was a situation made all the sweeter for the pugnacious Ozzie due to persistent yet unfounded rumours the team’ plethora of posters, mannequins, trophies, celebratory chants and songs and “I love Seb” tattoos and merchandise suggested his Red Bull team favoured his younger German team-mate, Sebastian Vettel.
Something more popular than Mark
“Mark was very clever exploiting that situation”, paddock observer, Kelvin Discobreads told us.
“He made it look as if everyone at Red Bull had been programmed by senior management to favour Seb because of all the money that had been invested in the young German.”
“But the real reason they were favouring him is that Mark is an absolute ballsack.”
It’s not clear whether Webber will cheer up in the immediate future and was last seen arguing with his reflection in the mirror about whether he really did have the latest Wilkinson Sword or if he was just fucking with himself again?