Mclaren defend end of season Button Championship Time Machine investment

Enchantment under the sea dance: Mclaren were last night defending their decision to divert crucial resources into building a time machine to aide Jenson Button’s technically impossible drivers’ championship ambitions at the final race in Abu Dhabi, writes our wacky inventor correspondent, Biggles McGuffin.

Heading into the final race at the Yas Marina track, the world’s top mathematicians insisted Button’s days as the reigning drivers’ world champion were at an end based on an intricate formula calculating the number of points needed to win minus the number of points on offer.

But boffins back at his Mclaren team HQ’s Woking R&D lab had other ideas about the mathematically impossible conundrum, insisting there was a slim chance the man from Frome’s championship could still be resurrected if they could just harness the outer limits of quantum mechanical theory.

Mclaren 2010 championship

Woking wormhole: quantum mechanics gamble failed in Abu Dhabi for Surrey team

“We knew that on the face of it, there were 25 points on offer and Jenson needed 50”, Mclaren’s Head of Weird Science, Professor Heinz Wolff told us.

“But we wouldn’t be Mclaren if we let something as trifling as an arithmetically impossible imperative stop us from achieving our goals of winning a World Drivers’ championship”, he added.

The shocking white-haired former Doctor of Dried Snacks at The Western Turville school of Food Science went on to describe how the Woking team hatched the audacious 4D formula.

“Obviously the first thing we did was check with Charlie Whiting there was nothing in the rules restricting teams from manipulating the space time continuum”.

Jenson Button

Seemed like a good idea at the time

“Once we got the green light we then set about getting to grips with concepts like gravitational time dilation, the chronology protection conjecture, compossibility theory and why Doctor Who doesn’t just get it over and done with, go back in time and blow up the first Dalek and Cyberman.”.

“Our plan was to then build a device that would send Jenson back in time to August where he could know he had to brake a bit earlier on lap 16 of the Spa race thereby avoiding the collision with Vettel which would still give him an outside chance of the title,” he explained.

Mclaren’s plans were thwarted however, ironically by the thing they were trying to manipulate.

“In the end we ran out of time!”, the scientist chuckled.

“It was such a shame. We really thought there was a chance of surpassing our greatest innovations of the last 10 years”, he continued.

“The battery thing that gave the 3 second power boost, the hole in the chassis that made the wing stop working and hiring a black fella to drive rather than clean.”

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