Twitterverse: Anthony Hamilton has apologised for his son’s recent flurry of bad language, blaming it on the 2008 World Champion’s lackadaisical approach to attending school English lessons.
Recently losing the World Driver’s Championship not-that-narrowly to Sebastian Vettel, Lewis opened his Twitter account the very weekend of the Abu Dhabi finale and has since sent over 40 “tweets”; several of which have been comprehensible to sentient human beings capable of locating his account.
“Opening up a means of communication to his fans which involved Lewis alone doing the communicating was always risky“, media expert, Seth Trumpets told us.
“Normally, anything the driver says to the public is carefully controlled, filtered, re-written and ultimately re-thought by a team of highly skilled PR specialists paid fortunes by the teams to hide the fact that their driver is essentially, a massive fuckwit.”
What do I do with this again?
“So it’s surprising Mclaren sanctioned it: unless they didn’t and it was just something Kanye West dared him to whilst they were hanging with his homies or somesuch”.
Twitter, a social media phenomena that allows people to communicate bollocks instantaneously to anyone insufficiently distracted it immediately supercedes everyday tasks such as eating, drinking and deep frying chips, has been an internet ephemera phenomena ever since it launched in 1987.
It has attracted the patronage of such A List stars as George Clooney, the Pope and Ed Milliband who have used the Twittersphere to chat about a variety of topics including the Irish Banking Crisis, transubstantiation and the fucking X-Factor to thousands of time-rich, vacuous, half-wits across the world.
“With so many thousands of impressionable fans exposed to Lewis’ illiterate ramblings, Anthony was unfortunately left with no choice but to confess the sins of his son’s garbled grammar; especially given the value of potential endorsements at risk”, Trumpets explained.
Twitter-Twatter: Lewis lingo rumpus believed to have started here
“I would like to apologise on behalf of my son’s filthy language”, Hamilton senior subsequently wrote on his Twitter feed.
“Unfortunately, he was too busy being taken to various race tracks across Britain in my van when he was younger so never bothurd to lurn propur inglish wen he had the chans, innit”, he confessed.
The car crash of text mis-spelling, split infinitives, mixed-tense verbiage, dangling modifiers and other syntax errors only came to light when Lewis successfully spelt a single obscenity, becoming the subject of moral panic to Britain’s ethically bankrupt middlebrow press.
“You could say ironically it was a schoolboy error”, Trumpets continued.
“Except judging by his writing skills it doesn’t look as though he qualifies even for that excuse“.