Germanic Panic: Hulkenberg sacking down to nationality, admits patriotic Williams

Blighty: Frank Williams has confessed that Nico Hulkenberg’s sacking was down to the unfortunate resident of Emmerich am Rhein’s birthplace, writes our xenophobia correspondent, Adolf Gimlet.

Just 2 weeks after the young stormtrooper blitzkrieged the field in qualifying for the Brazilian Grand Prix, the 23 year old rookie found himself out on his Ohr as his wheelchair-bound boss decided enuff was enuff, and for him the 2011 Championship was uber.

Despite initial reports suggesting the reasons [for letting Hulkenberg go] were entirely justifiably down to the talented 2009 GP2 champion not being able to scrape together 20 million quid in sponsorship, it has subsequently emerged that his 68 year old boss was actually just getting sick of, “too many frigging Fritzes winning everything”.

Nico Hulkenberg

And that surreptitious Nazi salute hasn’t gone un-noticed either, sunshine

“Frank has always been a bit of a law unto himself”, chuckled Williams’ long time friend, F1 journalist, Nigel Buttfuck.

“And it’s that sense of independence that has enabled Frank to achieve such incredible success whilst at the same time overcoming unbelievable obstacles during a long and distinguished career”.

“But admittedly, it’s that same spirit of independence and fighting spirit that can look like outright anti-German xenophobia if looked at exclusively through a prism of listening to what he says and using that to try and figure out what he thinks”, he added.

Williams has a long history of cantankerous relationships with bloody foreigners, beginning with that bunch of towel heads sponsoring his team in the 70’s, some slitty-eyed bastards powering his team to victory in the 80’s, fucking Frogs extending their dominance into the 90’s and finally a tie up with a company of humourless, over-bearing Krauts that ultimately ended bitterly in the mid-noughties.

Williams Honda

Honda days also created tensions at Grove team

“Considering Frank thinks all foreigners aren’t to be trusted, are inferior, obnoxious and don“t know how to use a knife and fork properly, I would say on the contrary that Frank has been incredibly generous to Jonny Foreigner down the years”, Buttfuck continued.

“I mean, he could have deliberately gone after UK sponsors and engine manufacturers just to spite them; condemning his team to years of poor results and ruining his reputation but instead he…oh”, he concluded.

Rubens Barrichello’s position is thought to be safe until Frank remembers Brazil win too many World Cups as well and he subsequently gets the boot, the filthy Deigo bastard.

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