Somewhere quiet and out of the way: Jenson Button’s catatonic Korean GP display has led Lewis Hamilton to figure his team mate should help him now but isn’t sure how to go about asking.
Stepping from his car, 12th, damp and wretched Button cut a forlorn figure as his beaming team-mate climbed to the middle step of the podium to celebrate an epic 2nd place finish sandwiched between the cheating one and the weak minded one.
The feisty performance earnt the 24 year old from Stevenage dozens of plaudits as well as keeping him within striking distance of a possible second world championship at Mclaren in contrast to his British team-mate who had himself served up 2 hours of half-arsed Sunday teatime gearbox-staring in return for his multi-million dollar salary.
“Look! It says, l..o..s..e..r.”
“Jenson was unlucky”, team boss Martin Whitmarsh later commented, “or shit: we’ll have to look at the data.”
“All I’m saying is, my money’s on brown”, he speculated.
Wary of undermining his team-mate’s last flagging remnants of self-respect, Lewis sought to open an avenue to the prickly subject of subjugating Button’s will to his own naked ambition by wondering if his father, John’s cold had cleared up?
“To be honest, I feel a lot better all of a sudden”
“Lewis is no fool”, paddock pundit Bent Wand told us.
“He knows that he must strike now to ensure Button’s help but also realises that inside, Jense will be crying and screaming and pounding the walls with his fists and saying over and over again, “Oh God! Oh Christ! Why me? Why me, God? That prossie rumour was a lie!! What have I done to deserve this? You bastards!”, before having a mental breakdown and probably shitting and pissing himself I imagine,” he imagined.
“Lewis will have to be careful about how he skirts round the subject he really wants to talk about.”
“All it would take is a massive coronary or Chat Roulette News of the World expose and the carefully contrived mind game kid gloves chicanery could end even before it has begun.”
For his part, John Button was thought to be much better now thanks, following a Beechams Hot Lemon and a nice sit down.
And about 8 gallons of Rioja.