Korean GP delights Kim Jong Il

Highgate Cemetery: Dynastic midget dictator of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Kim Jong Il is apparently delighted at the green lighting of its neighbour’s Grand Prix since it is yet another step towards that country’s inevitable capitalist implosion.

Last minute efforts to unblock the VIP toilets and replace the media centre’s black and white television with a top of the range 21” colour Grundig model with remote control and SCART socket saw the 3 point whatever-it-is mile long track get the all-clear following last Monday’s track inspection by top track inspection expert, Charlie Whiting.

Yet amidst the palpable relief of the South Korean organisers, observers have been puzzled by the sheer glee with which its northern hardcore Marxist neighbours greeted the announcement and impending influx of billionaires, superstar sportsmen, glamour pusses and Lee McKenzie.

“Absolute bollocks”

Strategic insight specialist Maximus Pontificus told us, “the Beloved Leader’s excitement at the South’s apparent success was certainly on the face of it, fucking mental.”

“However, if one studies the Communist Manifesto closely in conjunction with past comments made by Il – or by simply recalling something or other you learnt at A Level, like I did – the real reasons for the DPRK delight becomes apparent”.

According to the former University Lecturer, possessor of a restraining order from his former wife and now nightclub doorman, the reasons for Kim’s contrary Commie contentment closely follow orthodox Marxist theory:

  • The arrival of the archetype of Marx’s theory of commodity fetishism will simultaneously bring into being its nemesis, class consciousness
  • Confronting this new fiendish example of opulent decadence accelerates the alienation of the proletariat
  • These 2 shifts in perception lead to an inevitable mobilisation of the masses toward socialist revolution
  • Something or other about the theory of dialectical materialism, the opium of the masses and some other shit like that

“Assorute borrocks”

“In short”, he concluded, “the importation of an event like Formula 1 – the very apogee of greed, exploitation and inequality – will be the tipping point fulcrum around which the masses cannot fail to launch the counter revolution against their oppressor leaders, hastening the demise of an iniquitous and imperialistic Government and the reunification of the peninsula around the Communist flag”.

“Or it could be that he’s got an invite and is simply looking forward to meeting Jackie Chan on the grid”, he added.

The Beloved Leader was unavailable for comment as he is too short to reach the handset on his country’s public telephone we dialled.

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