F1 clarifies level of contempt it can show its audience

J’accuse: Formula 1 teams gathering in Monza for the Italian Grand Prix were demanding clarification from the governing body as to how much they can sneer and laugh at their stupid, gullible audience, writes our two-fingered salute correspondent, Clint Swizz.

The WMSC meeting in Paris at which Ferrari were found blameless for everything may have set a precedent for an F1 community champing at the bit to tell the watching public what a pallid bunch of idiots they all are.

“F1 has been itching to stick 2 fingers up at the people who pay their wages for a while now,” a paddock insider told us.

F…U…C…K…O…F….F – anything else?

“Now that Ferrari have been told that fixing a race in front of a billion people is perfectly acceptable the sky’s the limit on what sort of arse-faced nonsense the rest of them can throw at the profligate scum who come and throw money at us every other week”, he commented.

Leafing through a catalogue of bullshit excuses for why its cars were so far behind everyone, had no money and employed somebody you’d think twice about hiring as a bus driver, Hispania head Colin Kolles was already excited about the prospect.

“I’m getting a bit sick of fobbing everyone off with saying there’s nothing wrong with our financial situation and it’s a perfectly rational decision to hire Yamamoto,” he said.

New 2011 F1 logo got simultaneous airing

“Instead, I think I’ll just put a massive picture of my middle index finger up on our website and send a cardboard cut out of a turd to any press conference we’re mistakenly asked to,” he added; “frankly, they can all go and fuck themselves.”

Red Bull PR head Chester Le Street meanwhile was similarly enthusiastic about shitting on the watching public.

“I’m going to put out a press release claiming not only is a litre of our product a day medically proven to make you live forever and give you a cock the size of a post box but Seb is actually Ayrton Senna’s lovechild.”

“Then I’m going to personally visit every single one of our Twitter followers and defecate on their living room carpet before smearing their stupid twattish faces in it,” he added.

Ferrari, monogramming the phrase “60 years of total innocence” to a new clothing line celebrating their recent verdict told us to go fuck ourselves when we asked if that was entirely appropriate.

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